escape

i dont think i still like my EX

i dont think i still have the feelings i once did, i dont think we get along like we used to i dont think any of the chemistry is there anymore.

And for some reason im so obessed with like the IDEA of us, like wanting the feelings we shared back wanting what we had back and sometimes not even the we

not even the him

just wanting the feelings back.

I need to be needed, and i need someone to tell me that i have made such an impact on their life, or that ive changed them, or that they have never felt this way before. I loved making him into a better person, i need to be needed.

My life is shambling as we speak and falling apart at the seams, the Ex is most likely getting back together with his Ex and like i dont even know how i feel. Thats the worst part of this whole thing.. i just dont know what i want. I dont want him. I dont want to be an 'Us'. i just want him to not exist.

i want to move away and leave, i am such a downer lately its unreal.

but new song to check out- the great escape by patrick watson

Bad Day

Lookin for a way, home

Lookin for the great escape

Gets in her car and drives away

Far from all the things that we are

Puts on a smile and breathes it in and breathes it out

He says

Bye Bye, Bye to all the noise

Oh she says, Bye bye, bye to all the noise

hardest part

i am OBSESSED with my EXBF, my lord its actually horrid
and the worst part is like every song i HEAR i relate back to him
I really don't know what to do at this point
I unblocked him on msn
But he's probably going to block me right back, considering last time we spoke it was pretty much a hate email from him saying "get out of my life, im over you and i dont ever want to talk to you again".. i dont GET why i want him, he treated me like crap, we never got along, the sex was like not even that good...
ugh i hate my life, but lets end this baby with some sick ass song quotes, for some reason music has been really creeping into my thoughts alot, and in turn in my writing. All I feel i cant put down in writing can be summed up in songs

I could feel it go down
Bittersweet I could taste in my mouth
Silver lining the clouds
Oh and I
I wish that I could work it out

And the hardest part
Was letting go not taking part
You really broke my heart

your ex-lover is dead

I dunno what to write, i think im a bad writer in the fact i have so much to say but no clue how to put it in words. Lately my life has been weird, im happy because i think i now have a solid group of friends so like i keep busy but it feels like theres always something missing.

which is probably the EX that i want... and miss

i like to listen to lyrics and take out lines i feel like hit me more then normal lyrics.. and theres this one song In The Sun by Joseph Arthur i feel he lives in my life.

my all time FAVOURITE line from any song tho is:

"its nothing but time and a face that you lose,

i chose to feel it and you couldnt chose

live throught this, and you wont look back

im not sorry i met you, im not sorry its over, im not sorry theres nothing to say"

this song helped me get thru my breakup in the first place. haha now when i listen to it, it dosent impact me like it did before. but if you have alot of time on your hands make sure to download:

your exlover is dead by stars, and ageless beauty by them 2 while your at it.

So he recently broke up with his gf of 8 months, and while im happy, im sad because hes not coming to be and it really makes me think of that scene from mean girls...

" you think everyone's in love with you, but in realitly, everyone hates you, like Aaron Samules for example! He broke up with Regina and guess what, he still doesn't want you, Cady! So why are you still messing with Regina? I'll tell you why, because you are a mean girl, you're a bitch!"

it happened when my FB (fuck buddy) broke up with his gf, and now the EX and just when i think they will come running back to me, the person they loved in the first place, they dont.

first timer

day 1-I've started 20 millions of these, never seem to stick to it, it's hard writing a blog you know nobody will read.AND i always start these when things just get too fucked up.
a- im in a relationship i dont want to be in
b- Im still in love with my exbf, we broke up about a year ago
c- my fuck buddy has a gf
d- this other guy i like Brad is like my best friend, we have huge chemistry but he wont kiss me.
ill let you absorb that lil conundrum till next timexo chinviesss